Ninety Percent of the Time

If there's one thing I know, it's that I don't know everything. But some things I am pretty sure of:

90 percent of the time, life requires the skills of chess but is dictated by the chance of roulette.

90 percent of the time, the crisis we fear will occur never does.

90 percent of the time, the crisis we never considered is the one that happens.

90 percent of the time, the advice your mother gives you is quite good, unless of course your mother is nuts.

90 percent of the time, we are safer than our worries warn us.

90 percent of the time, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

90 percent of the time, there is an excellent life partner available to us, right nearby.

90 percent of the time, the person you most want to be like isn't like that at all.

90 percent of the time, the chaos that surrounds a person is caused by that person.

90 percent of the time, we see only what we want to see.

90 percent of the time, we eat too much and say too little.

90 percent of the time, what we know about how nature operates is supported by the next round of data collection.

90 percent of the time, our data collection methods in the natural world are significantly narrow and flawed.

90 percent of the time, anger is underlain by feelings of helplessness.

90 percent of the time, people who have trouble talking with you about what you are going through emotionally predicts they would make bad romantic partners and even worse friends.

90 percent of the time, when we feel certain that we understand someone's motivations, we don't.

90 percent of the time, seeing a mental health professional is at least mildly helpful.

90 percent of the time, a therapist acts as a mirror, helping you to speak the unspeakable, helping to clarify your own strengths and goals.

90 percent of the time, what we anticipate will take the least amount of time requires the most.

90 percent of the time, I have no idea what the odds really are.

Oh well, the probability is that I have most of this at least partially right for most circumstances for many people. Of that I am certain.








This originally was published in a weekly newspaper, as a column wrtten by the author of this blog; no changes were made.

Fat Insulates More than Just From the Cold

There are many unwritten rules of thumb in the world of psychotherapy. There are ones about the relationship between chaos and the Borderline Personality Disorder, the ways to quickly assess a person's risk to become either Anxiety Disordered or Depressed, and even a few about how to calculate the emotional age of substance abusers. These are rules of thumb (although I despise the origin of that phrase) because they seem to work fairly well in clinical settings, but are not substantiated by scientific scrutiny.

The one I am most intrigued by is this: the amount of fat a person has is roughly proportional to the amount of anger and resentment they contain. Emphasis on the word "contain." I have worked with many dozens of high BMI clients, some morbidly obese, others just packing a few extra pounds. At heavy to obese and beyond, the shoe appears to fit.

The idea is this: if you wanted to devise a way to signal to people that you don't want to be touched, approached, cuddled, or accepted, what better way than to insulate yourself against these than by literally creating a barrier that is both physical and metaphorical. It serves a protective function and to fulfill the prophesy of self-rejection. When someone not happy with themselves believes they don't deserve love and acceptance, they prove it by watching others' reactions to their weight, and then say to themselves, "See, I knew I was repulsive, I knew no one loved me," or some such self-talk.

A self-perpetuating cycle easily can ensue.

Now there are added factors of course. One is that people with low self-esteem eat too much, particularly sugary and fatty stuffs  because these foods create a temporary sense of well-being at a biochemical level. Comfort food it's called. Your brain is primed to deliver the chemical message that we interpret as: this food is extra special and feels good to eat; we might not get more of this kind of rare stuff, so eat up! When humans were in the savannah, foraging for all things edible, we were rewarded by the also evolving fruits and berries in the world. Plants actually evolved with our brains in mind and vice versa. Our modern food industry mimics the tastes we are most rewarded by and amplifies them. Sugar and fat.

Another factor to consider is that people in lower socio-economic strata have less disposable income, and fatty foods are cheaper than nutritious foods. Ever compare Twinkies with fresh vegetables? This is part of the explanation for why this group of people is consistently heavier than higher socio-economic groups.

Well, those caveats considered, there is still a relationship that holds up between self-esteem and weight. I am not the first to notice it, and eventually there will be science done to confirm this and to validate more specifically that it is anger that is being insulated against. Scratch the surface of a fat person, and the first thing you often get is incredible anger. They may on the surface appear passive, friendly, or placid, but watch out below. Of course they are angry! They hate the idea of unacceptability, often blame others for their slights and pain, and frequently harbor the notion that they are particularly giving, self-sacrificing, even pious and yet are being rejected.

So, the question is begged: since Americans are getting fatter and fatter, does this mean we are suffering lower and lower self-esteem and generating more and more anger? I think the answer is clear.

When Cancer Becomes Typically Curable, Socialized Medicine Will Begin

We've all seen the strides being made lately in treating various forms of cancer: new procedures, gene therapies, and high cure rates in experimental trials. It is my estimation that when we are able to reliably target and destroy cancers such that cures are often achievable, there will be a cry so loud that the demands will soon outweigh treatment supply. What do you expect insurance companies to do? That's right, they will charge us through the nose or not cover those treatments, so that once again only the wealthy will be cancer-free. But here's what will happen soon after: because no one will long permit those who could be cured to die, the public, socialized option for medicine will be demanded by all. No more Tea Baggers, liberals, Green Party, or conservatives. Those delineations will disappear like yesterday's news.

In a related only tangentially item: did you know that insurance plans almost always only cover a once per lifetime artificial limb reimbursement? That is, if they cover it at all. So let's see now, if it's a child who needs one, he or she will need a new one (in a different size) almost every year until the age of 18 or so. How does that make any sense? It's the almighty dollar again, my friend. The expendable portion is the dignity, productivity and mobility of the person so that the insurance company can make money and pay its executives vast sums and share holders somewhat less. I bet they even sleep well at night.

How can you (we) sit here and demand less than good conscience dictates?