I firmly believe that we create our lives. We sculpt and shape our realities as well as our futures, perhaps more than we may want to admit. Yes, chance plays a role, but chance won't continue to work against anyone. If you are constantly in the throws of calamity and crisis, it is far more likely that you have arranged your life to be filled with misery.
Are their styles of behavior which guarantee wretchedness? I believe so. Try these on:
1. Blame others. There is never a problem you face for which others are not directly culpable. Since other people are responsible for the problem, you are a victim. Victimhood is a marvelous space to occupy; it's so in to be downtrodden.
2. See the world in black-and-white. It is easier to have only two interpretations of reality. A person is good or bad; school either sucks or it doesn't, capitalism is either right or wrong. The simplicity of this feels so wonderfully unambiguous.
3. Hang around with chaotic people. Hey, nothing is more exciting than having a PigPen-like cloud of interpersonal debris orbiting you. Isn't an exciting life better than a boring one? And just think of all the people whose lives you will touch!
4. Do only what feels good. And why not! Isn't that what all of us deserve, to never suffer, feel any pain, do anything difficult, go the extra mile? Forget responsibility and remember, procrastination is its own reward.
5. Please others at all costs. Always think first of what those around you need. If you can make other people happy, what does it matter that you are taken advantage of and never get what you want?
6. Avoid goals. They just keep getting in the way! Set them low, if you must set goals at all. That way, they can be reached quickly and easily.
7. Evade exertion! Just relax. Chill. Knock down a few cold ones. Working requires so much time and energy. Besides, lethargy is soooo attractive to potential mates.
8. Believe words over actions. Everyone tells the truth, tries their best and would never deliberately hurt you. If someone means well, it doesn't matter if they keep letting you down. It's the thought that counts, right?
9. Choose risky, on-the-edge activities. Life is supposed to be exciting and glamorous, and you just can't be cool unless you're living on the edge. Lots of people do crazy stuff and nothing bad happens to them. Hey, even if it does, you can't stop fate!
10. Wallow. Nobody will love me. I'm not one of the beautiful people. I'm not rich. I'm not smart enough. I don't feel good. I can't help it. It won't ever get better. It's not my fault. There's nothing I can do! You know, complaining like that can be really cleansing. I feel better already!
This first appeared as a column in a weekly newspaper in 2004. Some changes were made.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Which Part of You Will Win?
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Pilfered Essay of the Day
(CareerBuilder.com) -- Many jobs have similar-sounding names, which can lead to confusion. Type in "ornithologist" when you meant to search the Web for an orthodontist and you'll find someone who can identify the bird in your yard, but not help with an overbite. Here are some other occupational mix-ups:
1. Aesthetician vs. anesthetist
Aesthetician (also spelled esthetician) Laurie Neronha of Rhode Island is used to people asking what hospital she works at -- even though she is not in the health-care industry. "I do not put people out, unless they get really relaxed!" Neronha jokes. As a licensed skin-care professional, she gives facials, peels and other treatments. Anesthesiologists and nurse anesthetists, on the other hand, are medical professionals trained to administer anesthesia.
2. Optometrist vs. ophthalmologist vs. optician
Speaking of people in the health-care industry, who do you go to when you need new glasses? Most of the time that would be an optometrist -- a person with a doctor of optometry degree who examines people's eyes to diagnose vision problems and prescribe corrective treatment. An ophthalmologist can do these things too, but these licensed physicians are better known for treating eye diseases and injuries and performing surgery. An optician is the person who fits and adjusts eyeglasses.
3. Psychiatrist vs. psychologist
Like the difference between an ophthalmologist and an optometrist, a medical degree is one of the primary things distinguishing a psychiatrist from a psychologist. Both professionals are concerned with mental health and can have an individual practice or be employed by an organization. Depending on their focus, both may do research, conduct psychological testing or see patients for therapy sessions. In all but a few states, however, only psychiatrists can prescribe drugs.
4. Athletic trainer vs. personal trainer
Myke Triebold of Niceville, Florida, wishes that people would have a better understanding of what it takes to be an athletic trainer. "I graduated from Penn State with a bachelor's degree in health and physical education. I then returned as a graduate student to complete my training as a certified athletic trainer." While her duties include "complete oversight of the medical needs of athletic teams, including being the first on the scene for injuries, injury evaluation and physical rehabilitation," people often assume she does the same thing as a personal trainer -- someone who works with individuals or small groups to help them reach fitness goals.
5. Sociologist vs. social worker
"Social workers often work with individuals to help them overcome problems in their lives. In contrast, sociologists often study the social forces that give rise to so many people in society having all kinds of social problems," says Tim Madigan, associate professor of sociology at Mansfield University in Mansfield, Pennsylvania. Because they work with the public in such an intimate way -- doing everything from advocacy to interventions -- states have various licensing requirements for social workers. Sociologists traditionally hold academic degrees and often use their keen observation and interpretation skills in fields such as research, marketing, public policy and education.
6. Information architect vs. architect
Both jobs have concerns about order and structure, but unlike architects, you won't find an information architect designing any houses or buildings. Instead, information architects specialize in the design and construction of shared information environments. They make digital content (such as software and websites) easier and better to use.
7. Genealogist vs. geologist vs. gynecologist
Poor Janice Sellers. This professional genealogist from Oakland, California, says she has been mistaken for a geologist (someone who studies Earth's materials) as well as for a gynecologist (a physician specializing in the female reproductive system). She is actually someone who researches family history.
8. Copywriter vs. copyright lawyer
Nichole Bazemore of Atlanta, Georgia, also has had her share of title confusion. "I'm a copywriter -- a person who writes sales and marketing copy. You can't imagine how many people say, upon hearing that, 'Oh, I plan to publish a book next year and I'll need a good copyright lawyer.'" (They may indeed need a copyright lawyer, as that is a person who can help with establishing ownership of creative works -- just don't call Bazemore.)
9. Publisher vs. publicist
Aspiring writers also may want to be sure to know the difference between a publisher (a person in the business of publishing books or other material) and a publicist (a person hired to help a client get media attention).
10. Ghostwriter vs. writer of ghost stories
1. Aesthetician vs. anesthetist
Aesthetician (also spelled esthetician) Laurie Neronha of Rhode Island is used to people asking what hospital she works at -- even though she is not in the health-care industry. "I do not put people out, unless they get really relaxed!" Neronha jokes. As a licensed skin-care professional, she gives facials, peels and other treatments. Anesthesiologists and nurse anesthetists, on the other hand, are medical professionals trained to administer anesthesia.
2. Optometrist vs. ophthalmologist vs. optician
Speaking of people in the health-care industry, who do you go to when you need new glasses? Most of the time that would be an optometrist -- a person with a doctor of optometry degree who examines people's eyes to diagnose vision problems and prescribe corrective treatment. An ophthalmologist can do these things too, but these licensed physicians are better known for treating eye diseases and injuries and performing surgery. An optician is the person who fits and adjusts eyeglasses.
3. Psychiatrist vs. psychologist
Like the difference between an ophthalmologist and an optometrist, a medical degree is one of the primary things distinguishing a psychiatrist from a psychologist. Both professionals are concerned with mental health and can have an individual practice or be employed by an organization. Depending on their focus, both may do research, conduct psychological testing or see patients for therapy sessions. In all but a few states, however, only psychiatrists can prescribe drugs.
4. Athletic trainer vs. personal trainer
Myke Triebold of Niceville, Florida, wishes that people would have a better understanding of what it takes to be an athletic trainer. "I graduated from Penn State with a bachelor's degree in health and physical education. I then returned as a graduate student to complete my training as a certified athletic trainer." While her duties include "complete oversight of the medical needs of athletic teams, including being the first on the scene for injuries, injury evaluation and physical rehabilitation," people often assume she does the same thing as a personal trainer -- someone who works with individuals or small groups to help them reach fitness goals.
5. Sociologist vs. social worker
"Social workers often work with individuals to help them overcome problems in their lives. In contrast, sociologists often study the social forces that give rise to so many people in society having all kinds of social problems," says Tim Madigan, associate professor of sociology at Mansfield University in Mansfield, Pennsylvania. Because they work with the public in such an intimate way -- doing everything from advocacy to interventions -- states have various licensing requirements for social workers. Sociologists traditionally hold academic degrees and often use their keen observation and interpretation skills in fields such as research, marketing, public policy and education.
6. Information architect vs. architect
Both jobs have concerns about order and structure, but unlike architects, you won't find an information architect designing any houses or buildings. Instead, information architects specialize in the design and construction of shared information environments. They make digital content (such as software and websites) easier and better to use.
7. Genealogist vs. geologist vs. gynecologist
Poor Janice Sellers. This professional genealogist from Oakland, California, says she has been mistaken for a geologist (someone who studies Earth's materials) as well as for a gynecologist (a physician specializing in the female reproductive system). She is actually someone who researches family history.
8. Copywriter vs. copyright lawyer
Nichole Bazemore of Atlanta, Georgia, also has had her share of title confusion. "I'm a copywriter -- a person who writes sales and marketing copy. You can't imagine how many people say, upon hearing that, 'Oh, I plan to publish a book next year and I'll need a good copyright lawyer.'" (They may indeed need a copyright lawyer, as that is a person who can help with establishing ownership of creative works -- just don't call Bazemore.)
9. Publisher vs. publicist
Aspiring writers also may want to be sure to know the difference between a publisher (a person in the business of publishing books or other material) and a publicist (a person hired to help a client get media attention).
10. Ghostwriter vs. writer of ghost stories
One last mistake from the editorial world: When freelance writer Cynthia MacGregor of Palm Springs, Florida, advertises her services as a ghostwriter some people take the "ghost" part the wrong way. "I've been approached by people who think I am looking for stories to write about haunted houses and the like," MacGregor states. A ghostwriter is actually someone paid to write for someone else under that person's name.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
For Once, Let's Get It Right
A friend of my step daughter's had a conversation within earshot of me recently. She said "like" 47 times in seven minutes. It was so annoying I simply had to count the frequency or I surely would have gone insane.
When did teens start saying "like" all the time, like every sentence? I started, like, noticing a dramatic increase in the early 90's, but then saw, like, an 80's movie and there it was again! I think I have, like, narrowed it to, like, the late 70's in California valley-speak.
"Like" has only two true usages: one is to compare one thing with another (a peach is like a ball of fruit) or to show that you enjoy something ("I like that"). The word "like" adds nothing to any message unless it fulfills one of these purposes.
When you use filler words such as "like", "you know", "um", and so forth, you are basically demonstrating that your brain isn't running as smoothly as it should be. You are filling a pause that should remain a pause with a nonsense word. Why not, like, pause? I can tell you that when you use these fillers you sound dumb as hell as well as annoying. If you said "like" in a job interview as a filler more than once you can kiss that job (unless it's working at MacDonald's) a hasty goodbye.
I believe kids don't know how often they use fillers. I wonder what would happen if they saw a video of themselves. Would they even notice?
When did teens start saying "like" all the time, like every sentence? I started, like, noticing a dramatic increase in the early 90's, but then saw, like, an 80's movie and there it was again! I think I have, like, narrowed it to, like, the late 70's in California valley-speak.
"Like" has only two true usages: one is to compare one thing with another (a peach is like a ball of fruit) or to show that you enjoy something ("I like that"). The word "like" adds nothing to any message unless it fulfills one of these purposes.
When you use filler words such as "like", "you know", "um", and so forth, you are basically demonstrating that your brain isn't running as smoothly as it should be. You are filling a pause that should remain a pause with a nonsense word. Why not, like, pause? I can tell you that when you use these fillers you sound dumb as hell as well as annoying. If you said "like" in a job interview as a filler more than once you can kiss that job (unless it's working at MacDonald's) a hasty goodbye.
I believe kids don't know how often they use fillers. I wonder what would happen if they saw a video of themselves. Would they even notice?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Random Fire
Ok, so here's my way of letting it all go:
I like my vet, I really do, and he's got his sister-in-law working for him. She's not someone I would want working my front desk for me. She can't find files, she for a long time "refused" despite my requests to change the name on the account (due to a change in marital status), and she passes the buck when she screws up.
I was watching CNN yesterday: Issues with Velez-Mitchell I believe it is called. She's an alcoholic in long-term recovery. She had a show with a panel of experts talking about the Tucson shooting. It really is bizarre how little people know about these kinds of pathologies. She asked if the guy had a chemical imbalance or if he was under a lot of stress. Unbelievable!
Just found out my best friend, who recently moved into a really nice neighborhood, lives next door to a famous porn actress (and an even more accomplished business woman). I kid you not. I need to pay her a visit; my friend I mean - to see her house. Yeah, that's the ticket, I want to see her new house.
I am thinking of seeing a therapist. I contacted the one I saw some fifteen years ago, but our times don't coincide. Got some names, gonna check 'em out. Need to address my existential issues. Been having some physical problems lately related to my 48th year of being a Type 1 diabetic. It's not getting better, even though denial and wishful thinking predicted otherwise.
Gonna start teaching this week. Three professors are planning to sit in on my Abnormal Psychology class. Can you spell "pressure?" Well, I prefer to imagine it's about their interest in the subject and respect for me. We shall see. All my classes are full. Always a good sign. Tenure looms.
Well, shit. Why am I on this earth? Is this anxiety simply that I can't accept that I am closing in on the downslope? Well, I don't know how to ski! Is it because I feel less than thrilled with my lack of dream fulfillment? Is it because I don't get enough sex? Gimme a break. I'm just a two year old trapped in a 57 year old's body with the mind of a 19 year old. You get the point.
I am not delighted with this town I live in. Very hostile to people who don't have money, and very caught up in the drama that superficial living engenders. I literally can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone around here! Others are equally uninterested by my conversations. Am I an intellectual snob? Is finding deeper layers a dreary enterprise? Is this the real source of my misery? Should I aquire the less than fine art of shallow conversation?
I like my vet, I really do, and he's got his sister-in-law working for him. She's not someone I would want working my front desk for me. She can't find files, she for a long time "refused" despite my requests to change the name on the account (due to a change in marital status), and she passes the buck when she screws up.
I was watching CNN yesterday: Issues with Velez-Mitchell I believe it is called. She's an alcoholic in long-term recovery. She had a show with a panel of experts talking about the Tucson shooting. It really is bizarre how little people know about these kinds of pathologies. She asked if the guy had a chemical imbalance or if he was under a lot of stress. Unbelievable!
Just found out my best friend, who recently moved into a really nice neighborhood, lives next door to a famous porn actress (and an even more accomplished business woman). I kid you not. I need to pay her a visit; my friend I mean - to see her house. Yeah, that's the ticket, I want to see her new house.
I am thinking of seeing a therapist. I contacted the one I saw some fifteen years ago, but our times don't coincide. Got some names, gonna check 'em out. Need to address my existential issues. Been having some physical problems lately related to my 48th year of being a Type 1 diabetic. It's not getting better, even though denial and wishful thinking predicted otherwise.
Gonna start teaching this week. Three professors are planning to sit in on my Abnormal Psychology class. Can you spell "pressure?" Well, I prefer to imagine it's about their interest in the subject and respect for me. We shall see. All my classes are full. Always a good sign. Tenure looms.
Well, shit. Why am I on this earth? Is this anxiety simply that I can't accept that I am closing in on the downslope? Well, I don't know how to ski! Is it because I feel less than thrilled with my lack of dream fulfillment? Is it because I don't get enough sex? Gimme a break. I'm just a two year old trapped in a 57 year old's body with the mind of a 19 year old. You get the point.
I am not delighted with this town I live in. Very hostile to people who don't have money, and very caught up in the drama that superficial living engenders. I literally can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone around here! Others are equally uninterested by my conversations. Am I an intellectual snob? Is finding deeper layers a dreary enterprise? Is this the real source of my misery? Should I aquire the less than fine art of shallow conversation?
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year's Old Communication Pet Peeve List
It's the new year and I have a new list of all things expressive that irritate me:
1. The misuse of "saw" and "seen." It is correct to say, "I saw her," not "I seen her." To those who are making the error: employers hate it too, and consider it a sign of poor communication skills. They'll never move you up.
2. There is no such word as "conversate." Nuff said.
3. The word "to" and the word "too" are two different words. Learn the difference.
4. Stop saying "like." It's old and it's worn out. It tells the listener that your vocabulary is small or that your brain isn't firing on all cylinders.
5. Texting when I'm trying to talk to you. Isn't that code for, "you really aren't saying anything to me that I want to pay attention to?"
6. Incomplete sentences. Very disconcerting. Similar to these.
7. "Do" versus "done." Wrong: I done that. We done that. Right: I did that. We did that. Could this be any more straightforward?
8. In short: I seen enough of this like bad grammar and all because I was with a friend and she was like texting and so she was to busy too listen and all. Some serious lack of conversating. I done it right, though!
1. The misuse of "saw" and "seen." It is correct to say, "I saw her," not "I seen her." To those who are making the error: employers hate it too, and consider it a sign of poor communication skills. They'll never move you up.
2. There is no such word as "conversate." Nuff said.
3. The word "to" and the word "too" are two different words. Learn the difference.
4. Stop saying "like." It's old and it's worn out. It tells the listener that your vocabulary is small or that your brain isn't firing on all cylinders.
5. Texting when I'm trying to talk to you. Isn't that code for, "you really aren't saying anything to me that I want to pay attention to?"
6. Incomplete sentences. Very disconcerting. Similar to these.
7. "Do" versus "done." Wrong: I done that. We done that. Right: I did that. We did that. Could this be any more straightforward?
8. In short: I seen enough of this like bad grammar and all because I was with a friend and she was like texting and so she was to busy too listen and all. Some serious lack of conversating. I done it right, though!
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