Just a Note About the Current Bachelorette...

I happened to see an episode of the newest Bachelorette wherein a female dentist (or dental student; I can't figure out which) is putting bachelors through the paces to demonstrate that they, too are as vapid as she is. Does anyone see how shallow her emotional depth seems to be? Does anyone notice that she is doing everything she can from becoming close to any of these guys (I see things like this very easily, probably because I have spent a long time practicing this as a therapist, or maybe for other reasons as well)? When she was on the bachelor, she pulled the same M.O.. She always managed to distance herself by questioning the bachelor's motive and by avoiding any real connective discussions with him.

How come I am so interested in this? Well, for one thing, I spent six years with a shallow, distancing dentist, and it was eerily similar to the TV show, only in my ex's case there was no emotional honesty or intimacy from her end. Nice on the surface, and no depth beneath. I still attempt, at times, to ascertain why I even began that relationship. I can only guess that at that time I was in need of superficiality; that I, too was hiding and saw in her a way to stay distant, safe, and ultimately unhappy.

I think we all struggle with the very real anxiety that intimacy engenders.

Oh, well, let it go, let it go, for Christ's sake, let it go.

Good Thing We Don't Idolize Sports Figures...

1

• Tiger Woods

  Golf

  Last Year's Rank: 1
  $62,294,116
  Tiger's empire has crumbled, but Rome wasn't built in a day. His Nike and EA deals still keep him on top of the charts while other endorsers -- and his game -- have gone in other directions. But his reign at No. 1 may soon be over.
• 2
• 

• Phil Mickelson

  Golf

  Last Year's Rank: 2
  $61,185,933
  Lefty's hefty sponsorship portfolio isn't flashy -- deals with Callaway, KPMG, Rolex, Barclays Capital, ExxonMobil and Amgen/Pfizer -- but he's one of the most reliable endorsers in pro sports. For more on Phil Mickelson go here.
• 3
  

  LeBron James

  Miami Heat (NBA)

  Last Year's Rank: 4
  $44,500,000
  There's plenty of room for LeBron's talent in his $9 million Coconut Grove mansion. King James' compound features a wine cellar, library, home theater and dock that can fit two 60-foot yachts. But all the money in the world can't buy an NBA title.
• 4
  

  Peyton Manning

  Indianapolis Colts (NFL)

  Last Year's Rank: 9
  $38,070,000
  Who needs a lucrative new contract, anyway? If the Colts place the franchise tag on the four-time NFL MVP again next year, Manning will earn more than $50 million in salary over two seasons.
• 5
  

  Alex Rodriguez

  New York Yankees (MLB)

  Last Year's Rank: 5
  $36,000,000
  If A-Rod's bat catches fire, he could cash in this season on the first milestone bonus written into his contract: another $6 million for passing Willie Mays (No. 4 at 660) on the all-time home-run list.
• 6
  

  Kobe Bryant

  Los Angeles Lakers (NBA)

  Last Year's Rank: 7
  $34,806,250
  Kobe relinquished a pair of back-to-back titles this spring: the NBA championship and his crown as the NBA's top jersey seller worldwide. LeBron's No. 6 Heat top now outsells Kobe's No. 24.
• 7
  

  Kevin Garnett

  Boston Celtics (NBA)

  Last Year's Rank: 15
  $32,832,044
  This could be KG's final appearance on this list, as he's set to earn $21 million next season in the last year of his contract and could retire. He'll have earned more than $300 million over his career.
• 8
  

  Matt Ryan

  Atlanta Falcons (NFL)

  Last Year's Rank: NR
  $32,700,000
  The bulk of guaranteed money in Ryan's six-year, $72 million contract he signed in 2008 should be paid out this year, when he'll earn a $22 million roster bonus on top of his $10.25 million salary.
• 9
  

  Tom Brady

  New England Patriots (NFL)

  Last Year's Rank: T-28
  $30,007,280
  Brady's four-year, $72 million extension signed last September gives him the highest average annual salary in the NFL. He's due to collect $10 million of his $16 million signing bonus in August.
• 10
  

  Dwight Howard

  Orlando Magic (NBA)

  Last Year's Rank: 12
  $28,647,180
  Any dream of Superman joining Lakers needs a cold dose of reality: Howard would have to accept a huge reduction from $17.9 million he's own next year; Kobe might have to take a pay cut, too.

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/specials/fortunate50-2011/index.html#ixzz1PXkvCnOQ

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Into The Water...

After the movie Jaws came out, I never went back in the sea. When Alien debuted, I never went into space. I can't fly without sedatives. I once had a panic attack on a plane and it wasn't a pretty sight, I'll bet. Striking how we are illogically fearful of the wrong things, yes? We have emotional reactions to what we see in the news or imagine in our nightmares and then conclude it might happen to us. This process elevates even the most unlikely event to the top of our lists of things that are about to kill us. Here's a list of the actual odds of dying:

Fireworks Injury             1:386,766
Flood                             1:175,803
Earthquake                     1:148,756  (tell that to those in California)
Dog Attack                     1:120,864
Legal Execution               1:96,691
Bee, Hornet, Wasp Sting 1:71,623 (but do you know anyone who hasn't been stung?)
Cataclysmic Storm           1:46,044
Heat exposure                  1:12,517
Electrocution                    1:9,943
Air Transport Accident     1:7,032 (my risk is always much, much higher)
Firearm Discharge            1:6,309
Bicycle Accident              1:4,717
Fire                                  1:1,177
Drowning                         1:1,123
Motorcycle Accident        1:770
Car-pedestrian Accident   1:649
Assault by Firearm            1:306
Fall                                   1:171
Poisoning/Noxious Fumes 1:130
Intentional Self-Harm        1:112
Motor Vehicle Accident    1:88
Stroke                              1:28
Cancer                              1:7
Heart disease                    1:6
Shark Attack                    1:3,943,110  (but if I don't go into the water, the risk is zero!)

Things I Need To Ponder...Again

Lately some issues have come to me that I seem unable or unwilling to finish. They linger like the odor of three day-old pizza in the fridge. They have no resting place, no garden in which to be buried. I am not sure if these are existential topics; maybe they are just the flotsam and jetsam about which we all ruminate...

I am fearful that I will run dry of tears. This weekend I saw the "Senior Follies" stage production in which my wife participated (she's in a tap dancing seniors group). It was stupendous! Each time she came out and danced, I started sobbing. The tears were made of pride, of joy at seeing hers, and of my sense that this is what life is really about. I want to remember that. I want to never stop tears of connection and understanding.

I finally fixed the bathroom toilet paper dispenser, which required some wall anchors of the heavy duty kind. I felt a sudden surge of testosterone; clearly the metallic roll looked an awful lot like a Gazelle on the Serengeti. Such a small job, that one. I procrastinated months and months over it, until the task became equal to the erection of the Sphinx. It's always like that; the avoidance becoming more ominous than the reality. I have always been a procrastinator, and although procrastination is its own reward, the price is steep...

The number of views of this blog has topped 700. There are some folks from Singapore, for God's sake, from Finland, from Canada, from Russia and Norway! Did they read one entry or many? Did they accidentally link to this site and quickly run without reading any of it? Are there hundreds of people or only dozens? I can't tell from the stats.Why should I care? Oh, but I do...

I really feel full of life when I teach. I am elated, mentally energized, devoid of any bodily awareness in ways nothing has ever provided me, not even orgasm (but don't ever make me choose.) I wish I had found this life decades ago. But then I would not have had the necessary mountains of experience I needed to be good...

I have worked as an effective proofreader, a terrible security guard (I frequently hid in the hardware section), a passable printing press operator (family business), a dishwasher (Woolworth's at age 16, summer, 1968), a therapist (four different places), a husband (more times than you might find credible), a reasonable but irritable step dad, a would-be gardener (some years good tomatoes at least), a house boy (my fourth marriage), an angry landlord, a graduate student times three, a lover (jury will remain forever out on this, but I imagine a verdict of selfishness is looming), and a writer (never good enough). Of all these, the dish washing gig taught me the most about people...

On my tombstone I want the following: I lived, I died, I didn't always do my best, but I accomplished a few useful things, like scraping the crap off lunch plates, placing them onto green plastic trays and sliding them into a steamer...