Yup, I'm going to answer the question: "What does it take to make my (marriage, relationship, love) last?"
1. Enjoy infatuation: it"s the best drug! But wait until you sober up, which takes six months to a year, before making any big commitments. What"s the rush? Ask yourself: How does my partner treat others and me? Bossy? Uncommunicative? Makes fun of me? Lies? Not good signs. Clear? Supportive, gentle and forgiving? Shares the power? Good signs.
2. Get this through your head: what you eventually see is what you will surely get. It is not possible to change anyone--no one has such power! Differentiate between minor (acceptable) and major (unacceptable) foibles. If there are deal-breakers, break the deal. If not, acceptance is in order.
3. Learn the skills of effective communication. If but one of you does not communicate openly, clearly, honestly and kindly the relationship will suffer and may dissolve. Gently confront and fully collaborate. Address issues quickly.
4. Your partner is not Kreskin. If you don"t like something, say, 'I don"t like that.' If you want something, say, 'I want that.' If you like something, say, 'I like that.'
5. Just because your partner got angry does not mean your partner doesn"t love you. But, if anger surfaces quickly, frequently or abusively: Houston, we have a problem.
6. Make your relationship sacred. Spend time every day talking and touching. Continue to go on dates, forever. Have fun together, like friends do.
first appeared as a column in a newspaper in 2004, written by the author of this blog, edited and altered for this venue
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