My New New Year's Resolutions

1.  I vow to love my family more than they thought I could, maybe even more than I thought I could.

2.  I wish I was half the man I am, so I vow to lose weight this year. I don't know how to do it yet, but I will do it somehow. Perhaps fewer tubs of popcorn will do the trick. That will, however, create misery on movie nights.

3.  I will make great strides writing my book on Diabetes. I simply must. I don't know if any publisher will want it, but if they don't maybe I can publish it myself. A double-edged, if not triple-edged blade.

4.  I promise to continue my withering satirical, sarcastic, pessimistic view of the wold, especially of the people in it. That way I won't be disappointed in any outcome.

5.  I vow to do everything in my power to not have Christmas or Thanksgiving at our house in the next few years (but I have no say in this, actually.) We have 10-14 of my wife's family over.  If this were my entire family collected in one place, under these circumstances, I would kill myself.

6.  I want to improve my audio-visuals for my classes. More in-class exercises, and out-of-class real world assignments too.

7.  I bought new shoes, new socks, and new underwear. I love new underwear. I vow to wear these. The crimson briefs will be reserved for OU game day use only.

8.  No one in my immediate sphere of influence will be deprived of my lack of humility this year.

9.  I promise to get rid of crap I no longer use, wear, or in the case of the kitchen cupboards, eat.

10. I vow to never create a list of New Year's Resolutions again, ever.

My Top Ten 2011 New Year's Resolutions

Well, it's that time of year again. I usually shy away from resolutions because I end up breaking them promptly. But because my birthday is at the end of the year, I also feel compelled to generate a list. So here we go again:

1.    Listen to my wife better. Stop finishing her sentences and cutting her off, OK Rambo?

2.    Need to walk or do something physical for a change. I'll be 60 in three years and 70 in 13 years! Jesus!

3.    Eat better? Goes without saying, but I said it anyway.

4.    Become a better teacher. I know I can do better, and the pursuit will keep me from getting burned out.

5.    Listen to more music. I have a great collection, but somehow it easily becomes an afterthought.

6.    Finish the damn book!  I've been writing it since before my current students were in high school.

7.    Say positive, optimistic things. I have a habit from my genetics to not do that, so I need to overcome that predilection with mindfulness.

8.    Pay off the DISCOVER CARD bill. Pronto, or at least in proportion to corralling my movie and music addictions.

9.    Fix the toilet roll dispenser in the master bathroom. Must everything be monumental?

10.  Remind yourself of the top nine.

OK, so there's another year's worth of things that I will quickly forget or rationalize my way past. Hold on for a second: number 10 takes me to number 7, so, yes I will do these things, because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. Good, now eight to go.