Few would deny that anger is an unpleasant emotion. It stinks to feel it, and it feels particularly brutal when others direct it towards us. It is so undesirable that some people do everything in their power to not have it or to hear it. I know you've seen this: someone smiles even wider when they're angry, flatly denies that they're angry (even when it's obvious they are), or displaces their anger onto those they claim to love. But everything we do, feel, and think serves multiple purposes. We aren't just random assemblages of biological processes and behaviors, after all. So what are the purposes of anger?
1. To create distance. Anger is the emotion that tells us one or more boundaries have been stepped on. Physical, emotional, spiritual, or cognitive boundaries are all monitored by us to insure safety, and when someone violates them, we get pissed. The ensuing distance allows us to evaluate the damage and decide whether and how to re approach the offending person.
2. To energize. Ever wonder why teams, states, or nations seem to feel not just competition, but sometimes sheer hatred towards each other? Anger gives us the energy to "fight," to compete. Most all modern competitions are vestiges of biological competitions for food, shelter, and families.
3. To be heard. Folks who have poor communications skills, or who are meek and mild (passive) may believe they need to get angry in order to get others to listen to them. It is this same group that typically doesn't enforce their boundaries well enough so that their anger builds over time, until it spills out in great volume, often at the slightest event.
4. To get what we want at the expense of others. Some folks are just assholes who like to overpower others to get what they want. These individuals don't care about you or me. They are the aggressors of our species.
Well anger is normal; it's common. It can tell us much. But it doesn't have to hurt.
1. To create distance. Anger is the emotion that tells us one or more boundaries have been stepped on. Physical, emotional, spiritual, or cognitive boundaries are all monitored by us to insure safety, and when someone violates them, we get pissed. The ensuing distance allows us to evaluate the damage and decide whether and how to re approach the offending person.
2. To energize. Ever wonder why teams, states, or nations seem to feel not just competition, but sometimes sheer hatred towards each other? Anger gives us the energy to "fight," to compete. Most all modern competitions are vestiges of biological competitions for food, shelter, and families.
3. To be heard. Folks who have poor communications skills, or who are meek and mild (passive) may believe they need to get angry in order to get others to listen to them. It is this same group that typically doesn't enforce their boundaries well enough so that their anger builds over time, until it spills out in great volume, often at the slightest event.
4. To get what we want at the expense of others. Some folks are just assholes who like to overpower others to get what they want. These individuals don't care about you or me. They are the aggressors of our species.
Well anger is normal; it's common. It can tell us much. But it doesn't have to hurt.
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