Can you die from lack of touch? This is not the strange question it may at first appear to be. If you are a newborn, the answer is certainly yes. A syndrome called "failure to thrive" has been documented, mostly among kids in orphanages where there are few staff to care for many babies. A child who isn't cuddled and emotionally warmed stops eating and can die. No, really. This has been known for a long time, and has given rise to the routines in neonatal intensive care units in which babies are held periodically, on schedule. Touch makes it more likely that the babies will eat and respire and heal well. Most of these babies are premature; they would still be in the womb if born full term. Yet they respond to human touch all the same as if born at nine months. Fascinating. How important touch must be!
But can adults suffer this same fate? I'll bet yes. We know that existing pathologies can be made worse, like depression. I would even bet that depression can be triggered by lack of touch, at least in those predisposed to it. Irritability, fear, loneliness, depression; I know that folks can get mighty cranky when they get lonely, and aloneness can give rise to things like psychosis, believe it or not. It has been determined that isolation is perhaps the severest form of torture, and severe symptoms can arise in less than hours. Ask any jailer about the newly incarcerated.
And you can be in a room full of people and feel quite lonely, you know, so it's not just locking someone up in a cell that causes separation and desperation. We all need fair amounts of interaction, both physical and emotional, in order to do well psychologically, to stay on track. And although I'm not talking about sex, any physical touch can be soothing; we just hope the touch is wanted and appropriate. I have recommended to my depressed patients who experience no physical touch to get a massage at least weekly. That has been a great suggestion, according to them.
I need a new goal. I need to focus on something tangible that I can later point to and say, "I did that."
I am feeling my age. My knees hurt, two of my fingers simply don't work any longer, I am having trouble balancing when I stand, I no longer have any sensation below my ankles, and I am getting tired. So? If someone had told me that getting older sucks, would I have enjoyed myself more when I was still fully functional?
When should a parent put their daughter on birth control, specifically the pill? This is a complicated issue. If she is sexually active, the answer is almost always yes. But what if she's not? Can you know when she will be? Would she come to you and say, "I think I am almost ready to start having sex. I think I wish to explore my birth control options." Yeah, sure.
But if you start her too early, there can be risks to her health. Too late, and she may become pregnant.
I vote for early and unabashed communication about everything, including sex. I think kids make better decisions when they have good information. The problem is that most parents are too fearful or embarrassed, or are simply not equipped with enough information to do an adequate job. I am a huge supporter of comprehensive sex education in K-12. That's right, K-12.
When comprehensive sex education is employed, most of what you discuss isn't about sex. That may come as a shock to many of you, but it's true. And such programs also offer abstinence as a viable, useful option. It's also true that such programs use age-appropriate language and don't offer the nitty-gritty all at once. That's a myth. Now, there aren't many excellent teachers in this area, and that's a real shame. I have been a sex educator since the 80's (although I'm not saying I'm a great one), so I have some street cred here. And lastly, talking about sex and offering birth control doesn't make kids want to run out and have sex; no more than talking with someone who's depressed about whether they have considered suicide will make them kill themselves. The kids are already thinking about sex. They just don't have the facts, although they have tons of mythologies. I heard from one not long ago: a 15 year old who is pregnant, said, "I though if you stood up after you had sex you couldn't get pregnant." That's her parent's fault.
I wish it were true that parents provided such material and discussions, but that's not what's happening. There is a positive correlation between teen pregnancy, STI rates and kids not getting comprehensive education and services. In other words, the states that are far right religiously that preach abstinence only typically have the highest rates of STIs and teen pregnancies. Our state is number one. I think that's irresponsible.
If you look at foreign analogs to this the data are clear: teach kids what they need to know about building relationships, how sex is and is not connected to real relationships, how to protect yourself, how to make good decisions, how to know when you're really in love, how to know when people lie and why they do that, provide access to full health care including sexual care to everyone (don't get me started) and so on, and you get kids waiting longer to have sex, lower pregnancy rates, and fewer sexually transmitted infections. I'll take the Scandinavians over us any day.
But can adults suffer this same fate? I'll bet yes. We know that existing pathologies can be made worse, like depression. I would even bet that depression can be triggered by lack of touch, at least in those predisposed to it. Irritability, fear, loneliness, depression; I know that folks can get mighty cranky when they get lonely, and aloneness can give rise to things like psychosis, believe it or not. It has been determined that isolation is perhaps the severest form of torture, and severe symptoms can arise in less than hours. Ask any jailer about the newly incarcerated.
And you can be in a room full of people and feel quite lonely, you know, so it's not just locking someone up in a cell that causes separation and desperation. We all need fair amounts of interaction, both physical and emotional, in order to do well psychologically, to stay on track. And although I'm not talking about sex, any physical touch can be soothing; we just hope the touch is wanted and appropriate. I have recommended to my depressed patients who experience no physical touch to get a massage at least weekly. That has been a great suggestion, according to them.
I need a new goal. I need to focus on something tangible that I can later point to and say, "I did that."
I am feeling my age. My knees hurt, two of my fingers simply don't work any longer, I am having trouble balancing when I stand, I no longer have any sensation below my ankles, and I am getting tired. So? If someone had told me that getting older sucks, would I have enjoyed myself more when I was still fully functional?
When should a parent put their daughter on birth control, specifically the pill? This is a complicated issue. If she is sexually active, the answer is almost always yes. But what if she's not? Can you know when she will be? Would she come to you and say, "I think I am almost ready to start having sex. I think I wish to explore my birth control options." Yeah, sure.
But if you start her too early, there can be risks to her health. Too late, and she may become pregnant.
I vote for early and unabashed communication about everything, including sex. I think kids make better decisions when they have good information. The problem is that most parents are too fearful or embarrassed, or are simply not equipped with enough information to do an adequate job. I am a huge supporter of comprehensive sex education in K-12. That's right, K-12.
When comprehensive sex education is employed, most of what you discuss isn't about sex. That may come as a shock to many of you, but it's true. And such programs also offer abstinence as a viable, useful option. It's also true that such programs use age-appropriate language and don't offer the nitty-gritty all at once. That's a myth. Now, there aren't many excellent teachers in this area, and that's a real shame. I have been a sex educator since the 80's (although I'm not saying I'm a great one), so I have some street cred here. And lastly, talking about sex and offering birth control doesn't make kids want to run out and have sex; no more than talking with someone who's depressed about whether they have considered suicide will make them kill themselves. The kids are already thinking about sex. They just don't have the facts, although they have tons of mythologies. I heard from one not long ago: a 15 year old who is pregnant, said, "I though if you stood up after you had sex you couldn't get pregnant." That's her parent's fault.
I wish it were true that parents provided such material and discussions, but that's not what's happening. There is a positive correlation between teen pregnancy, STI rates and kids not getting comprehensive education and services. In other words, the states that are far right religiously that preach abstinence only typically have the highest rates of STIs and teen pregnancies. Our state is number one. I think that's irresponsible.
If you look at foreign analogs to this the data are clear: teach kids what they need to know about building relationships, how sex is and is not connected to real relationships, how to protect yourself, how to make good decisions, how to know when you're really in love, how to know when people lie and why they do that, provide access to full health care including sexual care to everyone (don't get me started) and so on, and you get kids waiting longer to have sex, lower pregnancy rates, and fewer sexually transmitted infections. I'll take the Scandinavians over us any day.
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